In their hearts humans plan their course,but the LORD establishes their steps. Proverbs 16:9
Well, I am not really sure how to start this, so I will just go ahead and say it. I had originally planned to return to Tapachula on January 7 and stay until the end of March, but now I have decided to stay here. Not because I don't want to go back, or because it is too hard, or because I am scared, or because I don't love the children and the ministry, but because I have had a strong tugging on my heart to stay here. Part of that tugging is actually, literally my heart. Since returning home I have had some heart arrhythmia (or irregular heartbeat)accompanied with chest tightness. Sometimes it skips beats and other times it just starts racing for no apparent reason. I don't know what it is and maybe, (hopefully) it is nothing, but because of my family history of heart problems, I figured I should get it checked out. I have an appointment on January 31. Another thing that has been tugging at my heart to stay here is my family. Not because they don't want me to return to Mexico, in fact this has been my own decision and it is hard to explain, but I just feel like I need to be here with them right now. My grandfather passed away at the beginning of January and the funeral was held on January 7, so I canceled my return flight because I wanted to be here. Even before he passed away, when hospice was called in, I had begun to struggle with the decision of staying or returning. Like I said before, it is hard to completely explain my reasons and feeling for staying, but I know it was the right thing to do and I know there are reasons why the Lord has placed this burden for my family on my heart.
Both options, either returning to Tapachula or staying here, were both right and good, and I think that is why this decision was so hard, but I have things to take care of here, a mission here, if you will. After, sleepless nights and much prayer this was the decision. So, I am here. I have realized it would have been so much easier for me to return to Mexico as planned because now, I am kind of living in a place of Uncertainty located in the country of Inbetween, but I am looking upwards and outwards, seeking His direction. Right now, I am just trying to trust the Lord, knowing that He has a plan and although mine has changed...HE never changes. I am also trusting that He will establish my steps and direct my path. I pray that He will continue to give me wisdom and discernment and the ears to hear and listen to Him.
So what am I going to do, you ask? Well, I hope to return to Tapachula with some mission teams to help translate and to see the people I love and miss. I am going to continue to pray for and support Mission on the Move and the work being done in Tapachula. I still have some support money in my Mission on the Move account and that money will be used for future trips to Tapachula and the rest will be placed in a scholarship fund for the children there. Through my experience working with the children in Mexico, I have realized a love for teaching, so I am going to pursue that desire. I hope to take courses and to get certified to teach ESOL (English for Speakers of Other Languages). I have been blessed to have the opportunity to learn another language myself and I believe that I can relate to and encourage these students because I have been in their shoes. Before I get certified, I will be doing some substitute teaching and volunteer work here in this area. Missions is something that will always be a passion of mine, so I am prayerfully seeking opportunities to serve here (especially within the Hispanic community).
I hope this all makes some sort of sense. Thank you so much for all of your support. This past year has been one of opportunity, of maturity and growth, and one of trying to faithfully serve my Lord. I have been truly blessed and I am trusting that this year will hold many opportunities as well and that I will be faithful in serving.
This song kinda speaks to where I feel I am at. For some reason, "my map is full of Iowas".
"Iowa" by Alli Rogers
People change, families grow
There are hands I am holding
That I didn't know
Back when home was a place
And I thought that growing up was a phase
There are wrinkles on my hands
That weren't there
When I started making plans
And plans change
Iowa, I don't know how to leave you
Don't know how to tell you goodbye
Iowa, I am a field after harvest
Sowing under a new sky
Iowa
My soul is weathered but green
When a storm passes over the roots are unseen
Until all is laid bare
And the hope that I needed was already there
Iowa, I don't know how to leave you
Don't know how to tell you goodbye
Iowa, I am a field after harvest
Sowing under a new sky
Iowa
There are wrinkles on my hands
That weren't there
When I started making plans
And plans change
But you haven't changed
Iowa, I don't know how to leave you
Don't know how to tell you goodbye
Iowa, I am a field after harvest
Sowing under a new sky
Iowa
